October 11, 2021

When Will You Finally Be OK?

This message is for anyone who, at the deepest level, knows they are not OK.

You know you are NOT OK. You may even have known this from your earliest memories. You have noticed how others belong in a way you haven’t felt. You see the world from the outside as a viewer. You may even have some pride in your independence.

This viewpoint has given you have a unique perspective. You are able to see things in a way that others who are inside of their bubble are unable to see. You are not part of the “herd.” You have used this instinct as a benefit in the past.

But you still want to feel OK. Even with your independent stance, your unique point of view, the ability to survive as an outsider, you know something is missing. This “something” gnaws at you every day.

Your solution is to prove that you are, indeed, “OK.”

How do you prove you are OK? For my trading and money management clients, the solution to proving you are OK is measurable profits. For my career clients, it is the title and climbing the corporate ladder. For some entrepreneurs, it is the house, car, status symbols, or a trophy spouse. For some, it is being accepted as part of an elite group. It may be being “right” and winning. Sometimes being OK is imagined as having a parents approval.

In these cases, being OK requires a future event that depends on the approval of others.

Then it happens. You are a successful trader. You get the corporate title you want. You purchase the perfect car and house. You are invited to the right parties. It feels really good for a while. But you still have the nagging feeling that you are an imposter.

You still are not OK. 

My client broke down in tears. She had criticized herself every waking moment for not being perfect. Another client who had made a small fortune in the markets felt like a failure for not doing better, sobbed at the thought of being OK.

What brought this emotional release? I simply created a guided visualization where they were OK as they are. They didn’t need someones approval. They didn’t need group acceptance. They didn’t need any accomplishments. They didn’t need to change the mistakes of the past.

They imagined, just for a moment, that they were OK. They imagined walking tall on the earth with their heads up. They imagined their right as human beings to occupy the space they took and the air they breathed. For a moment, their past “mistakes” become the learning experiences of someone who was on a path to their highest potential. Their self-criticisms had nowhere to land in this new context of identity and beliefs.

This moment also brings new instability. Like a marble that has been settled in a valley is stable, feeling NOT OK is stable. Being OK can be terrifying, as everything that has seemed to keep us safe falls away. It takes energy to roll up the hill to the top and balance there. This is a position that is full of unknowns and risks.

How do we get this energy? From a community of Life-Positive people who can help stabilize us as we balance on the top of a new hill and create a new terrain that allows us to be safe and relax into being OK.

Feel the support. I invite you to join the Mind Muscles life-Positive Community where you can relax in the strengths of others who are ready to be OK with you. Join other adventurers on the path to knowing they are OK.

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Rich Friesen

Author, veteran broker and floor trader, Rich went from the "worst trainee trader ever", to building one of the most consistently profitable options trading firms on the Pacific Exchange by training his traders using neuroscience. Rich also holds a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology, a B.A. in Philosophy, and is a graduate of the Gestalt Institute in San Francisco along with Master’s training in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP).

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